Dear Abby: My husband says I’m selfish for getting pregnant even though we planned it together

Dear ABBY: My husband and I have been married for less than a year and I am pregnant with my first child. Our baby was planned and we were excited.

Something changed with my husband once I hit the second trimester. If I read something about pregnancy and try to share it with him, he instantly shuts me down, saying I shouldn’t believe everything I read or that I’m wasting my time. He doesn’t want to raise anything in the nursery either. He goes on to say that we don’t need to do it until a month before the baby is born.

I’m trying to be patient and understanding, but friends have now taken a step back from talking to me and I’m feeling very isolated. The other night, my husband left me out to dinner with friends. One of them said that being pregnant was the most selfish thing a woman could do, and my husband agreed! I’m still hurt by the comment. While the person apologized for saying it and further explained his position on the subject (everyone had been drinking but me), my husband has not apologized. He refuses and says I’m an idiot for being so upset about it.

I am at a loss here. We planned for this baby and I thought it would bring us even closer. Now I feel very lonely and sad. Why would someone say something so cruel and why would my husband agree instead of standing by me? – EXPECT MORE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WAITING: Pregnancy is an exciting and challenging experience for all concerned, and your emotions can run high. Although your husband was initially enthusiastic about the idea of ​​starting a family right away, it is possible that during this second trimester he will recognize the reality of the responsibilities that come with parenthood. It’s also possible that, because of your excitement about pregnancy, it has become your main topic of conversation, which may be why your friends are withdrawn.

The remark that was made the night you two were out with friends was likely fueled by too much alcohol and poor judgment. Your husband may have agreed because he feels jealous that your body has been “co-opted” by the baby. Not knowing him, I can’t imagine why he continues to refuse to apologize for this.

It seems to me that you would feel less isolated if you found an older, more experienced friend or relative to guide you through this challenging time. Also, keep up with your medical appointments to make sure everything is going smoothly.

Dear ABBY: I was born deaf in my right ear. No matter how many times I remind the people I’m closest to, they still seem to get annoyed with me because I ask them to repeat what they say. It is especially hard for me when my back is turned. Any suggestions on how to control my anger? Yes, it bothers me because of my hearing challenge. – I LISTEN TO YOU AS BETTER AS POSSIBLE

DEAR LISTEN: Keep your anger down by continuing to remind people that they should talk in your “good” ear, and when you’re seated, make sure the people you’re interested in talking to are sitting to your left. If you do, it can be less stressful for all of you.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.