Dear Abby: My husband’s family didn’t come to my daughter’s wedding, and he sent them holiday cards!

Dear ABBY: Some members of my husband’s family let us down badly by not attending our daughter’s wedding. They had various work and other family obligations close to the date of our event. Save the date cards had been sent six months ago, but apparently we were lower on their priority list. I told my husband that I don’t want to send holiday cards this year because I don’t feel good with these family members anymore.

Then, while I was traveling for work, he bought cards, printed out a photo letter, signed it by both of us, and sent it to most of his family and a few mutual friends. The first I heard about it was from a friend who thanked me for the card and pictures a month later. I discussed it with my husband and apologized, but I’m still shocked and sad. What do you think? – STILL MISSING

DEAR STILL MIFF: While you didn’t want to send holiday cards to relatives who skipped your daughter’s wedding, it seems your husband didn’t feel the same way. He was right to do what he did. Repeat after me: A wedding invitation is not a command performance. Now let him go.

Dear ABBY: I am estranged from my nephew and feel bad that our relationship has deteriorated. We live in different states. He has a mental illness and refuses treatment.

As a respected professional at work and at home, I am concerned that my nephew is being aggressive and demeaning towards me in public and in private. How can I go about a path of reconciliation, and how does one know when self-defense is the only reasonable course of action? – SAD UNCLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNCLE: You are lucky to be geographically distant from your mentally ill nephew. It is not up to you to correct him. Until he receives psychiatric treatment for his illness, his behavior will not moderate and there will be no reconciliation. In a case like this, self-defense is the most reasonable course of action.

Dear ABBY: My boyfriend and I received a generous gift card from my brother and sister-in-law to a restaurant we love. Next week, the four of us are going to dinner together there. My question is about the ethics of using such a gift card. Should we use it that night or plan not to use it? If we use it and there is excess, do we have to pay the brother’s bill? I know my brother won’t be bothered or offended in any way, but I’m curious about the “correct” way to handle this and would appreciate your advice. – Surprised in the SOUTH

DEAR QUESTION: If my post is any indication, some people get offended if someone they’re splitting the bill with uses a gift card rather than a credit card or cash. That’s why it’s never a bad idea to ask the person you’re joining that question BEFORE going to the restaurant.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.