Dear Abby: My elderly mother has no social life

Dear ABBY: “Looking Out for Mom in Chicago” (Aug. 16) worried that the 69-year-old mom wasn’t going out and socializing now that she’s closer to them and worried that they would be her only support with the passage of age. . They also said that she has always been shy.

As a nearly 70-year-old introvert, I understand how their mother feels. Moving to a new place without friends isn’t a bad thing when you’re an introvert. I get all the accompaniments I need when I go into town to shop and chat with the familiar clerks.

Forcing an introvert into unfamiliar situations is stressful for the person. It’s a terribly uncomfortable situation. People need to realize that there are people out there who really area finally in their company. – CATHY IN WISCONSIN

Dear Keti: Thanks for providing your insight. Their experiences were also shared by other readers who “have been there”. Read further:

Dear ABBY: As a social worker who has worked with the elderly for years, I guarantee that Looking’s mother will not respond well to, nor agree with, being told that she “should” make friends and interact with others. She may be grieving the loss of her friends back home, her former religious community, and more. She may need time to reconcile all of this. If she is active, stays healthy and takes care of herself, let her decide when she is ready to expand her circle.

Friendships and social activities cannot be forced. They happen organically. Instead of her son and daughter-in-law dictating what she should do, how about sitting down with her and gently exploring how she’s adjusting and how they can help her in a more supportive way? – SILVER HAIRED IN MASSACHUSETTS

Dear ABBY: You were on the right track to suggest that “Mom” volunteer. Volunteering allows a person to get involved to whatever degree they want in their areas of interest. I joined a therapy dog ​​group in my hometown. It offers occasional, short-term visits to hospitals, rehabilitation centers, nursing homes, school campuses, businesses and manufacturing facilities. The focus of dog therapy is primarily on the person being visited – but EVERYONE benefits. – DON IN SOUTH CAROLINA

Dear ABBY: May I suggest they get mom’s hearing tested? Not being able to hear what’s going on discourages people from joining and getting involved in group settings. – MARGO IN ILLINOIS

Dear ABBY: You might add, on behalf of the shy mother, that taking an adult education class or two in the local community, in subjects that interest her, will give her access to potential friends. Better yet, she can be in the classroom, but not required to interact with “strangers” if she doesn’t want to. – JOHN J. IN CALIFORNIA

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.